36 Weeks

We saw Linda today and baby Michael is doing great.  She brough some dvds for me to watch and the birth pool to have ready for when labor starts.  I can't believe how soon he could be here.  We have a bunch to finish around the house and my dad and Alice coming in town for a week, so hopefully he will stay put at least 2-3 more weeks...hopefully 4-5.  :)  I am definitely growing here at the end.  I am not ready for this pregnancy to be over.  We aren't 100% decided about number 3, but think we may be complete with 2 kids.  Here are some 36 week belly shots...finally looking hugely pregnant! :)

Had a major hormonal melt down today.  A bunch of friends are pregnant again pretty soon after having babies and another is talking about number 2 before number one is here, and while I am over the moon for the new babies, the planning makes me sad.  I had a plan too.  I wanted kids 18 months - 24 months apart.  2 little girls to be exact.  And that was all taken from me time and time again.  I actually had someone say how lucky I was number one was a girl and number 2 is a boy...but really it's number 5 that is a boy, we'll never really know about 2, 3, and 4.  Must just be those pregnancy hormones but it just hit me all over again how much I lost and how I have 3 babies I will never get to know or hold.  Of course, I can't imagine my life any other way anymore...I know sweet baby Michael was meant for me and that this is my perfect family, but a tiny part of me will always wonder if...