Mission Accomplished

$45 and a little blood later...we got it done.  Mike didn't even squirm.  I actually didn't feel a thing.  Fingers crossed that we have a bfp in 2 weeks!

let's go egg/s

So i had a pretty much positive ovulation test (opk) on Christmas...next day it was stark white and my temperature didn't rise.  Then i had a pretty much positive opk yesterday at noon but then at 6pm it was much lighter.  Today i went for an ultrasound and i have a 19mm follicle and a 16mm follicle.  Since i am getting late in my cycle she gave me an RX for an ovridel trigger shot.  I came home and took another opk and this one too is pretty much positive.  It's funny bc the left half of the line is positive but the whole thing isn't (this is how all 3 have been).  Now, do i take the shot or assume i am ovulating on my own?  Sigh.

Hopefully, either way, i will be ovulating tomorrow...which means i can test in about 2 weeks.  Fingers crossed.

Merry Christmas

This morning was truly magical.  Lor just had a blast.  Mike made his traditional jelly pancakes (crepes), and Lor is still playing her heart out.    Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!

Moving on...

Well, we met with the RE today and have decided if I am not pregnant this cycle (hopefully will be) we will be moving on to follistim injections.  He feels this is the best plan of action bc I am not responding great to the 100mg of clomid.  He said my lining is great and my progesterone levels are great, but he would like to see more than one egg.  He wants me to start on a low dosage since I concieved twins on 50mg of clomid.  He has me doing 75mg days 5-9 and then coming in for ultrasounds...when my egg/s are mature we will do an hcg trigger and timed intercourse.  Hoping it doesn't get to this, but it feels good to have a plan.  The package says 25% chance of twins and 3% chance of more than that.  I would just love twins!  But, one healthy baby would be fantastic too!!

Stupid Things People Say

So, I have started compiling a list of stupid stuff people say after losing 3 kids (2 miscarriages) and struggling with secondary infertility.

1.  "Wow, you will have been pregnant 3 times in the time she has been pregnant!"

2.  "Relax, just relax."

3.  "My friend had 4 miscarriages in a row and then got a 3 year old from Russia."

4.  This was while discussing names for our future children.
       me:  "I like the names Juliette and Michael for our next kid."
       other person:  "if you can have more kids."

5.  "God has a plan." 

6.  "Well something wasn't right with that baby anyway."

7.  "You should just be greatful you have one healthy child."

8.  And the absolute worst thing anyone has said to me...
               ~saying nothing at all~

Great weekend

Lor's Birthday was a blast. She got some great presents and just loved her neigh neigh cookies. :)

 Lor trying out her new presents.

Her neigh neigh cookies!

Lor helping mommy bake in her learning tower!

Lor in her new Mickey bathrobe!

It really was a fantastic weekend and she had a ton of fun.  She is getting big sooooo fast.  It's amazing.  My period started this morning so I get to start my 3rd and final round of clomid tomorrow.  I go see Dr. Dodds in 8 days for a new gameplan.  I am feeling optomistic that a baby is coming!

Quick update

So for now I am waiting for my period to start so I can begin round 3 of clomid, but...I talked with the nurse at Dr. Dodds office yesterday and she wants me to come see Dr. Dodds on the 22nd. I know something isn't right. Either that last m/c, d&c, and laporoscopy messed something up, or the clomid is being counterproductive. Either way I am hoping after this 3rd round of clomid he will have another gameplan.

Loralei's 2nd birthday is tomorrow...holy cow, what happened to my baby? We are having a horse themed party and I can't wait!!!

Bah Humbug

Well, another month and another "not pregnant" staring up at me. Funny how during thouse 27 blood tests monitoring my hcg falling to zero to ensure the molar pregnancy hadn't turned to cancer; I wished for nothing more than to get a zero reading...now that I pray each night for it to go back up, I get nothing.

Dr. Dodds says I can do 2 more cycles on clomid but that most pregnancies that are going to occur happen within the first 3 tries. I have an appt. to see him on the 22nd to discuss what he would suggest next and costs. I am not doing a 4th cycle knowing the risks and unlikelyness that it will be successful. I will start clomid cycle number 3 probably on Monday or Tuesday.

Mike and I sat and talked last night about what next if this last cycle of clomid doesn't work and agreed our options are Loralei being our only living child or adoption, as any further fertility treatments are probably too expensive and come with no guarantees. From what I have researched the costs are about $20,000 for a domestic open adoption, but there is a $12,000 tax credit we would qualify for. I would gladly find $8,000 to get to give Loralei a brother or sister. I guess we will discuss options with Dr. Dodds before making a decision, but things are looking grim.

I simply don't understand what is wrong. Every test is coming up perfect and I have never had a problem getting pregnant in the past. I thought staying pregnant was going to be the challenge, not simply getting pregnant.

Well, although I would like to crawl back under the covers and cry, I must face the day. There is a prescription for clomid to be called in and a toddler to feed.

Here I sit waiting patiently to take a pregnancy test. I can technically start testing on Tuesday or Wednesday but am trying to hold out until Thursday. It's hard to be optomistic when I know I should be busy caring for 1 week old twins or celebrating learning the gender of my sweet due in April baby. Last night I made a collage of my children's ultrasound pictures.



The top 2 and bottom left one are my dear sweet almost 2 year old Loralei. The bottom middle is the older of the twins pictured at 8w3d when he/she still was growing and had a nice strong heartbeat that I will never forget hearing. The bottom right is the baby we lost in September pictured at 7w1d but measuring 5w6d as he/she never grew on schedule.

We have been seeing a wonderful fertility specialist here in Kalamazoo named Dr. Dodds. We had all kinds of blood clotting testing done and everything came back normal. He has me on daily baby asprin just in case though. We had a sonohystogram to look at my utuerus and it looked perfect. My uterine lining is great. I am on Endometrin (progesterone) from 3 days after I ovulate until I get a positive pregnancy test or my period. He has me on 100mg of clomid days 3-7 (although I did days 2-6 last month bc that is how we conceived my daughter and the twins). My eggs are growing beautifully and I am ovulating one mature egg between cd 15-18 (which is perfect). Now it's just a waiting game. He said I can do 2 more months of clomid but didn't say what would happen if I am not pregnant at the end of the 3 months. I only hope I don't have to find out.

I would love a baby due in August. Although it would be hot, it would give me the majority of the summer to spend with Loralei and the baby would be old enough to travel by the holidays. Summer would be a perfect time for laboring outside as well, but the birth and the child are something I can't focus on as getting a pregnancy to stick just seems impossible right now.